if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize