paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
