I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
