ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize