Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
