Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry about my life...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
