I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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