Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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