as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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