bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want nice things and good sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize