he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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