I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
