At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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