fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
