life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
