you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
