Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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