Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
