I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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