just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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