I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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