Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
