there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
