Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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