good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
