office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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