he thought i was a dude.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
