We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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