im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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