In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Text me some of your sweat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
