I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Are we still banned from the library?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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