i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
