This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
only you would photoshop your dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
