i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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