ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I only lived at night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
