just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize