Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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