she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
