So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
