Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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