how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
