This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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