My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
