I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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