did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
