I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
