Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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