Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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