HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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