Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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