this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
