I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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