actually, I'm a sock model
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
