The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
