Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
