are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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