respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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