It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
