There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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