i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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