I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
