we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i now understand why vodka
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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