How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
