I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
