I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
